Tehran has discovered a new branch of counter-terrorism, and it is a marvel of revolutionary logic.
Having spent years insisting that its own Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps is not a terrorist organisation at all but a misunderstood civic amenity with missiles, Tehran has now decided that the real danger to global peace is… Europe’s armies.
The announcement came with the solemnity of a school play and the gravitas of a pantomime. Iran’s parliamentary speaker, Mohammad Baqer Qalibaf, declared that the armed forces of EU member states are henceforth to be regarded as “terrorist groups” under Iranian law, in retaliation for Brussels finally designating the IRGC as exactly what it looks like, acts like, and funds like.
There was theatre, too. Iranian MPs turned up to parliament dressed in IRGC uniforms, a costume choice that managed to convey defiance, insecurity and cosplay enthusiasm in equal measure. One half expected them to start chanting slogans between takes or demanding a best-dressed award. It was all very on brand: a regime that cannot tolerate dissent at home, yet insists on lecturing others about legality abroad.
The EU’s decision, taken after what even Iran’s defenders concede was the bloodiest crackdown on protests since 1979, was a belated acknowledgement of reality. The IRGC is not a conventional army. It is a parallel power structure, answering only to the Supreme Leader, running vast chunks of Iran’s economy, exporting violence through proxies from Lebanon to Yemen, and suppressing its own population with grim efficiency. To place it on the same list as Hamas or Islamic State was not provocation; it was taxonomy.
Tehran’s response, however, was to reach for the diplomatic equivalent of “I know you are, but what am I?” Under Article 7 of a 2019 countermeasures law, Iranian officials now insist that European soldiers are the true terrorists. The Bundeswehr, the French armed forces, the Italian navy – all apparently reclassified overnight as extremist cells, presumably plotting attacks on themselves.
One wonders how far this new doctrine will travel. Are EU peacekeepers now to be regarded as sleeper agents? Will NATO helmets be added to some future sanctions list, right after Disney and the BBC? If this logic is extended consistently – admittedly a dangerous assumption in Tehran – then any state that criticises Iran could soon find its postmen wearing balaclavas.
The irony is that the regime insists it is Europe that has “shot itself in the foot”. This is rich coming from a political system that routinely executes protesters, jails journalists, arms militias abroad and then complains bitterly when its reputation suffers. There is something almost touching about the expectation that Europe should look the other way for the sake of diplomatic nicety, even as Iranian citizens are beaten, blinded and buried.
Of course, Iran knows this move is symbolic. No European general is losing sleep over being declared a terrorist by a parliament that stages dress-up sessions in support of an elite force already under sanctions. The threat to expel EU military attachés is a familiar flourish, part of the regime’s well-worn repertoire of performative outrage. It makes headlines at home, signals defiance to hardliners, and costs little.
Yet symbolism cuts both ways. For years, Europe tied itself in legal knots to avoid calling the IRGC what it is, fearful of retaliation, hostage diplomacy or energy disruption. That caution bought neither moderation nor gratitude. Instead, it emboldened Tehran’s sense that the West would always blink first. This latest tantrum suggests that something has shifted.
By declaring European armies “terrorist groups”, Iran has not exposed Western hypocrisy so much as its own isolation. It has underlined the absurdity of a regime that claims to be the world’s greatest bulwark against terror while funding, training and directing some of the most notorious militant networks on the planet. Dressing this up as a legal response only highlights how thin the costume has become.
The real audience for Qalibaf’s speech was not Brussels but Tehran. It was aimed at reassuring the faithful that the revolution remains defiant, that enemies are everywhere, and that accountability is always someone else’s problem. Europe, meanwhile, will quietly note that the label stuck where it mattered. When a government responds to a terrorist designation by calling the entire EU’s armed forces terrorists in return, it is not rebutting the charge. It is proving the point.
Main Image By: مرتضی انصاری – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=26564968
